


Around the World in 80 Lei's

by Romulus1408



Category: Free!
Genre: Comedy, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-22 16:21:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3735538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romulus1408/pseuds/Romulus1408
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of Free! Eternal summer as per Octopimp and SparkytheAndroids vision, Big Papa NG and Professor Ryuugazaki are dating and have been since their time on the swim team together. As per the beginning of the new year, Nagisa invites Rei for a trip around the world which he affords from Gang Money. With this, they travel on a sexcapade to have intercourse in every country of the world in 80 days. From every continent, to every Island, every mountaintop and Hillside. They will ALL be plastered with the title of "REGISA" in flashing, bright purple and orange Lights! With Rei's Meth activity fast behind him and Nagisa's Gang conflict at an all time high, how will the boys fair out in the big blue world? Old friends, New Friends and everything in between, these boys are truly ....</p><p>*Whispers</p><p>FREE!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the rights to Free! Eternal Summer. All rights reserved for Hiroko Utsumi, Masahiro Yokotani and the other members of the Free! production team. 
> 
> There are some graphic depictions of Gay intercourse in this fic as well, if you are homophobic that is very unfortunate. 
> 
> This work is based off of the Work done by Octopimp and SparkyTheAndroid. 
> 
> The characterization is based off of their characterization. 
> 
> If yo udo not like the Abridged Parody Titled 50% OFF you will not like this fic. 
> 
> If you do though, please enjoy.

January 1 2016

 

Nagisa has since informed me of a trip that he has dubbed “Around the World in 80 Lays”. Demeaning as always. Nonetheless, I was excited, although I would loath for him to be made aware of this fact. I pondered as to how Nagisa came into contact with enough wealth to actually afford a trip across the world. Upon asking him as such, Nagisa informed me of a certain “associate” he had met in High School. When both of us were on the Swim teen of our youth, Nagisa had met with some “Unsavoury” individuals. It turns out that I knew these men, they have helped me with research projects that I have been involved with. It is perpetually difficult to ascertain the numbers of human test subjects.

 

I digress, Nagisa had bought us a trip to America, for what appeared to be a trip to a place called California. I had read up on the place in the months prior to our trip and found that we were staying in a hotel that beared striking similarities to a local “Love Hotel” but specified as a “Yuri Yaoi specific” hotel. Nagisa informed me that this was to be our first “Fornication Location”. Despite my reserved intrigue, I was concerned as to how Nagisa knew how to use the word _Fornication._ We flew over in economy class, with what appeared many of his “Gang Members” from Florida. It became apparent that Nagisa had connections with the underground outside of Japan. He then began to inform me of each of their names and specialties. I will spare the details for fear of being labelled a rat, but all I can really say is that many of them specialized in “Ball-Busting”. I was relieved to find that no young children were kicking the back of my seat, as per my bus to the University. But, perhaps even more disrupting, was the fact that the men behind us were giving each other aggressive handjobs. Presumably, these gentleman dropped the soap in jail. I wouldn't personally do that, not because of the fact that I don't want it, but I don't want diseases. Before agreeing to this trip, I asked Nagisa for a thorough examination of his body. For diseases I assure you.

 

The examinaton came up with no diseases, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Perhaps me more than Nagisa. Anyway, after noticing the acts of vulgarity behind me, I started to get a bit roudy. I attempted to rouse Nagisa into action, rising my shirt up slightly. This trick typically worked to get his motor going and he would be sporting a nice 8 Inch “Hand Cannon”. Despite my attempts at fliritng, he simply sat in his seat. He proceeded to whisper the words

 

“I'm storing up for tonight, Baby”

 

He started to rub my chest, making every part of my body tense and then relax, not necessarily in that order. Not just my appendage muscles either. Although, Nagisa has labelled my “Love Syringe” an extreme muscle. He thinks I don't like that name, but I do. Anyway, I sported an “A-grade” piece of scientific equipment in my pants for a majority of the flight. It had little to do with the fact that Nagisa fell asleep in my lap. I attempted to read the current papers on Quantum Mechanics they had handed out at my local University, but everytime I began to focus, Nagisa attempted to move closer to the Syringe. I then attempted to put it into his mouth, but he appeared to be awake, or at least had a subconscious mechanism. Because he grabbed my member as though it was a stick shift from a sports car. It appeared as though he was having a getaway chase scene dream, because he shifted gears around about 30 times the chase ended. Needless to say, it was anticlimactic. For me at least. More or less because he shifted gears every 10 to 15 minutes, so he never really got close enough to flying high. I assumed that Nagisa would have wanted to make a “Mile-High Club” occasion, but he was later informed that over the next 80 days, there would be plenty of that. I had the papers from the Uni covering my crotch as the stewardess came over to pass me my dinner of poorly cooked chicken and potatoes. I found it lack lustre, as well as Nagisa's gear shifts. I must say though, that was the most eventful chicken I have ever consumed. The guy next to me was giving a handjob to his partner, a gentleman wearing sunglasses indoors and brass knuckles. Admittedly, I have never seen that kind of in Japan, but it might be because I don't directly associate with the Yakuza.

 

Since both of us speak english very well, primarily because my customers are specifically English speakers and most of Nagisa's supporters are American, we got off the plane with little problems and went by taxi to the hotel. My trials did not end there however. Nagisa continued to rub my chest, my back, my arms, nearly every part of my body that I didn't need him to rub. The only kind of massage I was willing to accept at that moment was a totem pole polishing, however, he continued to clean the camp grounds. I am certain he was doing this on purpose, because by the time we arrived at the hotel I was ready to rain hell-fire upon Nagisa's camp grounds.

 

The room was a rather plush and extravagant suite, as expected of that kind of establishment. The carpet was a deep purrple shag, covering every inch of the floor. The wallpaper was a bright red color, with images of sexual acts of depicted all over it. The bed was shaped in the stereotyped “love heart” shape. I knew from experience that that was not how hearts are shaped. . Nagisa went into the bathroom with a smaller suitcase and just before he entere the room, he gave me a wink and poked his tongue out the side of his mouth. I felt my face turn bright red and felt as close to lifting off as I had during the car chase. Needless to say, it took quite a bit at staring at the floor to calm down. I was planning on bursting through the bathroom door and taking Nagisa then and there, but last time I tried that, Nagisa had strapped a chastity belt to me. He can be an extremely aggravating man sometimes. Upon exiting the bathroom, Nagisa was dressed in a Garter Belt and stockings, showing of f the length of his legs in such a way that not even the carpet could calm me down. He wore a Carnevale Mask, the kind with a pointed nose that I had no trouble imagining his actions with. He held a kind of horse whip that I very rarely got to see except on the nights that I would end up with a sore body for several weeks and red marks on nearly ever inch of my body. Despite the Garterbelt and the stockings, Nagisa wore no underwear, his huge member swining down to his knees. My jaw dropped and I immediatley felt my pants shrink.

 

That is as far as I can legitimately remember, the entirety of the night is now shrouded in mystery to me. However, I have been informed that Nagisa has taken photographs of our sexcapade in California. If someone is reading this journal and would like to be informed of our actions during those incredibly euphoric 6 hours, please look into Mr Hazuki's blog. The only thing he has told me about the night, was that he used moves relating to what he called the “California Half-Pipe”, I remember waking up next to a surfboard.

 

With that, we ended our first night of our next 80 days. Well, that finished the day and a half, seeing as I awoke half way through the second day.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after an intensive night of experimentation, the boys awake to a distressing situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the rights to Free! Eternal Summer and yada yada yada   
> Thanks for reading.

January 2nd 2015

I awoke that morning in our Californian hotel, slathered in a multitude of liquids which weren't necessarily lubricant or water. I found myself rising to the sound of a shower running. Hoping that it wasn't some stranger, I approached the door. For safety purposes of course. I looked at the screen, saw the shadow of a short person with a member hung like a horse. I had to make sure it wasn't some criminal here to assault me sexually. I began to take off my shirt, to keep it clean obviously. I then began to remove my pants, to keep them dry after all, in case I needed to run away. I approached the screen, prepared to wrestle this man to the floor if need be. I would have most probably lost, but I was sure I could organize some kind of arrangement with the burglar. Just before I got a boner, a siren blared from outside the window. The piercing and unmistakable screech of the authorities boomed into the building. The sound of cars pulling into the car-park was rather distressing. I immediately pulled my pants on and ran for the window. I dropped to the floor as quickly as I could. Knowing that if a gunfight started I would have to get out as quickly as possible. I went to the dresser beside our bed and looked for Nagisa's OTHER 8-inch hand-cannon. Alongside my own pistol. I looked for the ammo both of us kept in the drawers and went for the door. It was possible that they had come for either one of us. If that were the case, we needed to vacate the vicinity as quickly and as quietly as humanly possible. I needed to contact my associates but that would be difficult with the police tapping our communications. It was difficult to say the least. I wasn't prepared to go down yet, not without a fight. At the moment I thought this, Nagisa left the bathroom, a towel barely restricting his elephant trunk. 

“Baby, who are they after?” Nagisa asked me with one of the most distressed looks on his face I had seen since the Wagu Beef incident. His gang had been reduced by half that day. I hoped we wouldn't have the same done to us. I prefer my body parts to be in whole ratios. I was expecting it to be Nagisa's fault. He had booked the flight, they probably flagged him and his gang from the Japanese Police Force's data base. If that were the case, I could leave him and head back to Japan. But, I would never admit this to him, but I needed him. In the same what that Nagisa needs rap music. I would never leave him. 

“REI RYUGAZAKI! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP! WE HAVE THE BUILDING SURROUNDED! YOU ARE WANTED FOR THE SELLING AND PURCHASE OF EXTREMELY EXPLICIT DRUGS!” the policeman shouted through a megaphone.   
I have to admit, I was surprised. 

Nagisa looked at me and just sort of had an expression of despair. As though he was going to lose his favourite fuck-toy. He packed his suitcase, or rather, threw clothes into it and ran down the stairs, a towel dangling lightly from his waist. I did the same with my own property and followed swiftly. Nagisa had been prepared for this event and had connections with the building owners staff. A multitude of them had barricaded the door with the tables and also a podium with a strip-pole attached to it. Nagisa then proceeded to fist bump with one of the gimp fellows by the door. I think I faintly heard them say the words “Booty Brotherhood” and smiled knowingly to each other. At any rate. We ran for the back door, Nagisa'a member flapping at speed. I was extremely tempted to yank off the piece of cloth and take him then and there, but there was more pressing issues. It's odd how those kind s of situations make me as rowdy as a rabbit with a dildo up its ass. I knew that then wasn't the time though, so we continued on. I threw a pair of pants Nagisa's way and we ran to the back of the building, which lead to the alleyway of a random building. In this alleway sat a small and un-assuming sedan. Nagisa proceeded to hotwire the machine and ran over a multitude of trash-cans before gunning the engine and heading out at top speed. We then proceeded to replicate a chase sCene straight out of Nagisa's jacking-shift dream and moved at top speed. He occasionally changed the gears. We ended up with only 3 cars following directly behind us, the others were apparently preoccupied. Nagisa was preoccupied with not hitting any of the cars we drove past, so I rolled down the window and took out my pistol. I also grabbed Nagisa's cannon. One of his cannons, which one I used, you can decide. 

“If you think you can take me out, you have to speak to my attorney first!” I screamed over the sound of the presumably turbocharged sedan engine. I fired multiple times with pinpoint accuracy. In my line of work, one must be precise. Regardless of whether it's in the lab or on the field, accuracy is paramount. I hit the driver of the first car in the head. I hit the second drivers wheels out and I hit the engine of the third until it blew up in smoke. As the dust settled behind us, Nagisa didn't stop. I pulled out my phone and started making encrypted calls to my associates. We needed to cover our tracks. Maybe leave the country for a while. Taking out three squad cars wasn't exactly under the radar. I sat down and sighed after the calls. Within the time period of a day and a half, I was ridden hard by Nagisa, then ridden hard by the police. This had been a bad start to an obscure year. Nagisa assured me then after that it was going to get better. He then proceeded to give me an aggressive handjob with the left-over lubricant from the night before. And as we came towards the rising sun, I found myself wondering how long this trip would take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you guys think?  
>  Any Ideas on where they should go?   
> Please do leave a comment if you can.   
> PAPA NG OUT!!!!


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa and Rei have escaped the clutches of the California Police, and are proceeding to evade the authorities. They travel in search of a new place to hide out. Rei begins to question how he feels about Nagisa, and whether all this trouble is worth his relationship with Mr Hazuki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry this has taken so long. Exams were hectic and i had no free time. But holidays are now and i have so much free time to write! I will be hoping to update every other day if i can to constitute everyones thirst for Reigisa. Thank you for reading up to now. I hope you all like this. i will be doing this kind of sporadic updates for the next to weeks until holdiays are over. Thanks for understanding guys. I hope you enjoy. Comment if you think i should change anything.  
> Have fun.

January 3rd 2015  
Due to the fact that Nagisa has the attention span of a penguin with a learning disorder, he was incapable of maintaining his focus on the road for a legitimate amount of time. Needless to say though, I was impressed. While we continuously jerked each other and “Made out” with each other while driving, we somehow outran the cops. It turns my connections outside of Japan are actually more efficient than the ones I made with the Yakuza. Funny how that works. I have been trying to network with some people from Brazil as well, but life has a habit of progressing slowly. I'm more or less peeved about this because Nagisa has a fair degree of connections there, which is where we might be heading next. I think it would be better if I grounded connections there first. It would appear as though the more uncouth ideals of “Thug Life” has a higher success rate for “Making connections”. I don't believe in stooping to that level. I prefer working with professionals. Anyway, we made our way across the country to the point where I had erupted so many times that I should be registered as an 8 on the Richter scale. On account of my “Rocking bod” as was Nagisa's appraisal of my appearance. I would have liked to have said something in response, but he was holding onto my member as though it were crank, I was not willing to respond and have him shift me up a couple of “gears”. I hate the fact that i'm getting used to this. Back in Japan we were to busy with our respective occupations to ever really get together, or if we did, it was far to intensive for me to remember. Which is probably why he is going all out with this trip. We drove by a multitude of petrol stations, where we would engage in intercourse for a length of time. We participated in what Nagisa called the “Gas Guzzler” and by Gas he meant something other than the thing used to power cars. I was wondering where we were going though. I knew we shared the same criminal mind so he had to have known we were meant to lay low for a while to not arouse suspicion of the authorities. 

“WE'RE GOIN TA DIZNAYLAND!” Nagisa screamed at the top of his lungs, as we left the petrol station. To his credit, we did go to “Diznayland”. We arrived at “The happiest place on earth”. I always assumed happiest place on earth meant that it was some kind of brothel or something. Nothing is more enjoyable than the carnal arts, however, I was harshly misinformed. Possibly due to Mr Nanase and Mr Hazuki's perception of it. Presumably because of how Senpai perceives the Ocean from “The Little Mermaid float” and how Nagisa likes the costumed guys. Nagisa goes every year to one “Diznayland” for his birthday, and tries to fuck as many guys as possible. He told me that he once fucked the Aladdin on one of the floats. I have to admit, I didn't believe him until he showed me the photo of him allegedly “Dancing” on the float, according to the tabloid. He said he'd show me how to “Boogie” like that at a later time. Potentially now. 

We proceeded to jump the fence of the theme park and landed in a pile of bushes. Nagisa landed on top of me and said something along the lines of “Bless this booty” and smacked said “Booty” like it was a bongo drum. I pushed him off of me, not telling him how good that felt and proceeded to find a place to lay low. I have to admit, Nagisa might have actually been a good strategist. Disneyland is always full of people, young and old, there to have a good time. Since it was the beginning of the year, most of the populous was still on holiday. I had to give Nagisa credit, he thought this through. Although I might be giving him too much credit, because as soon as I started looking at the map he started feeling up Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. He kept saying things along the lines of  
“No one can BITE like Gaston, LIGHT like Gaston, I like the SIGHT of Gaston” while he gnashed his teeth at his ear and felt up his ass. It seems we aren't exclusive. I would have started feeling up the nearby Aladdin if it weren't for the fact I DIDN'T WANT TO GET ARRESTED! I pulled Nagisa away from Gaston and his raging “Beast” in his pants as we ran for what I assumed was the most inconspicuous part of the park. I can't say I wasn't kind of jealous. That sort of thing is beneath me, maybe. He's always doing this kind of thing though. He's always hitting on other guys at the University and he's never not saying anything about the guys on the street. He always tells me about the guys he fucked in prison and how many people he's been with. It's just kind of...disheartening. He's rebellious, I understand that, but some things are different now. I thought he would have matured a little since High School. I don't know, honestly....

We ate in amongst the common folk in one of the themed restaurants. I believe it was called “Award Wieners', a fitting name for our escapades. We conducted a “Oscar Wiener” in the bathroom and moved on. We then went to “Fiddler, Fifer and Practical Cafe” for a snack, where we conducted a “Fiddling the Fifer” for about 2 hours.  
Nagisa then felt the sudden need to visit Space Mountain. 

We rode the ride for a while. I felt the need to talk to him, while we were there. 

“Nagisa?” I said, kind of nervous. We needed to talk about this.  
“Yeah baby?” Nagisa said, kind of bored.  
“Can we talk?”  
“Ain't we talkin right now?” Nagisa said, drinking a soda he somehow smuggled onto the ride  
“I mean, I... Nagisa, I've been wondering...” I started twiddling my thumbs. Nagisa looked at me intently. “What are we?”  
“What do ya mean, Baby? You're my bitch”  
“No Nagisa I mean, we've been... we've been together since High School. I just... I don't know. We've been together for ages, but...I don't feel like” I paused for a moment.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to say if i'm completely honest. I know me and Nagisa aren't Mutually Exclusive. He likes to keep his options open and I respect that. I just...i'm not entirely sure. I feel like he's just using me, like he could leave me at any time without a second thought. I would like to think that because we're both high ranking in amongst the Japanese Underground he would put some value with his allegiance with me, but... I want him to take our relationship seriously. Just a bit. 

“I don't feel like you're taking this relationship seriously. I... am I a joke? Is this just all a big game to you? Nagisa, I....” Nagisa shushed me for a moment as the ride started going slowly.

“Baby, I... I've never been good with relationships. I've never had to be particularly serious. Anyone I was serious with ended up getting shanked or being thrown in the hole back in prison. I can't be serious, or else you'll just end up going away again and I can't... We're both crazy fuckers, you know that right, baby? We could both end up in the slammer at any moment and I just... I don't wanna lose you, but if I get too close to you, you're just gonna end up leaving me, like everyone else and I...” Nagisa started to tear up a bit, I couldn't take it. He just looked too cute. I held him by the cheeks, tenderly mind you, and said something along the lines of

“Do you really think i'd be stupid enough to let them catch me?” I smiled to Nagisa. Nagisa smiled back through teary eyes and said.  
“Motherfuckers'll never catch us, Booty-fly!” Nagisa said as he buried his face in my shoulder.  
“Right back at you Rockin-Topper” I said as I cried into his neck. The ride dropped high as we cried into each others necks and shoulders and I came to the realization that I loved this man. This stupid, crazy, insane and evil little man. I know this isn't something I think about a lot. We got off the ride and continued to show each other a “Sight we'd never seen before”.  
Love.  
Nagisa then ruined the moment by running to the top of Space Mountain and having us conduct the “Out of this World” together.  
As we snuggled up on top of Space Mountain, Nagisa said,

“Rei, baby, if I promise that I won't hit on anyone else, can you promise you won't let the pigs catch you?” Nagisa said, stone cold serious. 

“It's illogical for me to never get caught. The probability of either one of us getting caught is...”  
Nagisa gave me this look, as though his whole world was starting to crash down around him. I couldn't do that to this imbecile, not even for logistics.

“Okay Mr Hazuki, I promise.” I said with a smile. Nagisa smiled so brightly, I thought I would incinerate. As we looked up at the moon, on that beautiful January night, I knew I was lying to him. I would never be able to outrun the cops. I knew it was impossible and I think he knew it too. But just for him, I was willing to try.  
Just for him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? Is Rei on point? I feel like he is. Hey guys, i was thinking about mentioning this earlier, but things got kind of out of hand. I would love if this somehow got back to Octopimp and SparktheAndroid, like if they could do a reading of this for you guys that would be awesome. I know it's still early days in the possibly 80 or so chapters i have going for this, but i would just love to hear their opinions on this thing. I adore 50% OFF and i feel that have Octo voice this would just be fantastic. Thanks for reading guys, i love you all.   
> More stuff coming soon i reckon. I might be revisiting old material.   
> Thanks,  
> Bye!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei reawakens from his slumber beside his Belvoed Papa NG as the California January day floats above the sky. Beginning the day contemplate his life and his future lifestyle, the authorities begin thier search anew of the two anti-heroes. The boys rise like a mighty oak, if you get what i mean, and skidaddle like fucking gangsta's do. Ain't nobody gonna catch them yet!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so fucking long, but exams are a big thing and i can't skip out on my education. But i still found some time to dish out some sick schooling with Thugisa and ChemistRei. Enjoy the fuckboys and their crime spree.

January 4th 2015  
in the shadow of the previous night rose the new found pride in myself and the special relationship me and Mr Hazuki share together, no longer as a seme and an uke, no longer as bitch and pimp, but as equal standing, honest to goodness lovers. I must admit, my skepticism is still present of our relationship. Years of standing beside this beautiful, piping hot mess of a man can only be remedied by the “Coolest of Raps”. I'm sure Nagisa would be terrifyingly forthcoming with said “Ill- rhymes”, I would be less-forthcoming in saying that I enjoy said raps. If one were dedicated to me, I would enjoy it to the same degree Nagisa enjoy snow cones shaped like Snoop-Lions face. Regardless of whatever Anthropomorphic rapper he enjoys though, I still sense a kind of unease from him. I had never realized that he felt so nervous around me. Did he really think I would go down that easy? Of course I would “Go down” that easy, but only in the case of Nagisa and his members only club. The series of puns I am subsequently dishing out are both disgusting and highly entertaining for me. At any rate, I feel like Nagisa is far to worried about me. I admit I may be something of a candy ass but I have never shyed away from a confrontation if the situation demanded it. I prefer things to be quiet, discreet, deadly, like I am in bed. But the thing that is different from the downy ass-rampage that follows from me is that real world combat is not as easily conducted. To many wild cards are involved, to many variables that come from the inherent insanity that is the criminal mind such as myself. I must admit though, I say that, but I have never had the opportunity to be the “Seme” so I have no point of reference. But I have read a multitude of textbooks and as such, have found it reasonable to assume that I can find no fault in my abilities. And with this new equal footing status I now share in this relationship with Nagisa, maybe things have changed? I contemplated all of this while we sat atop Space mountain, not nearly as mountainous as I had initial believed. While my lovable murder machine slumbered next to me, I watched as planes traveled over head and birds took their graceful flight alongside them as the somewhat chilly California sun of January rose over us. I admit, the scene was something to behold. My beloved at my side, no authorities for miles and nothing but clear blue sky was something I could get used to. This was it, I thought to myself. I could die right here and it would be all right, because we would descend together. But, it was not to be. One, because I still had some meetings to get to, and 2, because Nagisa needed to get his new album to the mass's before the “Coppers” take it off the shelves. Maybe though, when we retire... we could find somewhere. Somewhere worth our time. I'm thinking about heading back to Iwatobi, but they have us on file in the police station. If we could somehow wipe the records though...  
Just as I thought this however, the familiar sound of a speaker system boomed over the park.   
I'll save you the typical spiel of authoritarian demands and skip right to the crux of the matter. Nagisa sported some incredible and nigh delectable morning wood and in response so did I. So as the speaker went out and we both made a run for it our...  
Manhood  
dangled in the air for what I assume made quite a display for the tabloids. A thing of true beauty it must have been to see us gallop across the rooftop, as I would have said in my younger years. I scampered back to grab our guns and our pants, and sprinted for the staff only door. We ran on the gangway, trying our hardest to lose whoever they were. Just then, a few policemen burst from the level below us and began shooting up into the gangway, ripping holes in the metal grates. Nagisa and I returned fire, realizing for the briefest moment that neither of us had an spare clips, and judging by the number of shots we fired, I can safely say that we only had 5 or so bullets left. Just then however, I could hear a rumbling noise coming from further down the ride. Nagisa heard it to and began to run towards the noise. I had already buckled my pants but Nagisa hadn't the time so his pants had started to droop slightly, showing of a nice view of some pristine moons. I attempted to claim these moons for the good of Big Papa NG's fan-base and pinched his ass like it was fucking dial. He yelped in a sudden shock and for some reason began to blush like a Japanese Schoolgirl, which is weird considering its like saying it was like he was a local one back home. I'm not sure why, but he stopped and began to flutter his eyes. He brought his hand slightly to his mouth and whispered the word “Bakka” in Japanese and I swear to all that is logical and deadly he started to fucking sparkle. That, needless to say did not reduce my morning tree Nagisa had planted last night. They began shooting at us again and Nagisa's face stopped being sparkly and turned into white knuckle rage. The ride appeared around the bend, blazing towards us at breakneck speed. Nagisa, his fists clenched and his eyes ablaze. Leaped onto the ride and I did the same. Miraculously, we landed inside the seats with little problems. Its was not perfect. I landed upside down and Nagisa landed diagonally, getting me another view of his choice buns he had in that oven, but needless to say that went better than I had expected. We tried to get in the right position to look ahead of us. The authorities had subsequently lost us, for the time being. So we rode it for a few minutes before Nagisa noted another door and we jumped off the ride and onto the floor. Granted, that would have been very dangerous if not for both of our incredibly well maintained muscle mass. Our muscles were a thing of beauty in our youth, but now I believe they far transcend what I initially believed.   
I have to admit the next bit of the chase was incredibly hazy for me. I am not necessarily a morning person. Unlike Nagisa, I didn't not have to be vigilant to unbeknownst but-assaults like a Minaj Army every minute of the day, as I never went to prison. My work, such as the successive production of my fine product, is best conducted at night, in the countryside outside of town, where no one can smell the bi-product or get high for free. As such, I am used to sleeping in. Two days in a row where this doesn't happen and I can say my intentions and actions go far beyond my typically composed self. I can say my kill count, from hand to hand combat alone, racked up to 9 officers, with about 20 injured, 30 stunned from the mass of the bulge I was sporting. Nagisa doubled that number with his. We somehow escaped in some random cop car and made a bee-line for the airport. I can't remember all that much after that, besides the fact that we board a plane that was literally made of sheet metal and duct tape and began heading south. I remember Nagisa handing me a bottle of liquor and sending it down my throat though it were another one of his juices. I It should be noted that alcohol has one of 2 effects on me at any given time. It will either 1: turn me into a rage filled, sex crazed rap monster like Nagisa, or 2: send me right to sleep. Either option was preferable for Nagisa, not myself obviously as I would not be conscious of my actions either outcome, thankfully it was only the latter outcome. It should be noted that I slept for approximately 16 hours, a feat I am sure I could not have managed alone if not for whatever concentration of alcohol was funneled down my esophagus. I will spare you the boring details and who sent us to the location we arrived at, but it would appear we arrived at a mutual business venture. We arrived in Rio De Janeiro. 

“WHAT UP SLUTS! Guess who just fucking swooped the 5-0!? We did! WOOP WOOP!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was kinda rushed guys. I am like, way wasted right now and i am barely conscious of my writing and what the fuck i am saying, Thanks for all of the support. End Goal is to get Octopimp and Sparky to read this, Yeah? awesome. I am going to fucking pass out on the futon now. Night. Peace out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Boys Are Back! the long awaited 5th chapter of Around the world in 80 Lei's has been finally screen tested by our 400 sweaty fujoshi weeaboos to present you with this master work of shitposting! Pimp Papa N.G and Meth Cook Rei have escaped the confines of California and have arrived in Rio De Janero! The home of Mardi Gras and various Drug related films! Marvel as our heroes traverse the landscape of Rio, gun in one pocket and drugs in the other! With Rei now more affirmed in his position as "Fuckboy/Boyfriend" we see a new chapter of these two's relationship begin to blossom. But as new aspects bloom, new rivals appear! What lies in store for our hero Rei? Who must he fight to win Nagisa's true heart and Erection? How many evil Ex Boyfriends must he Slaughter? FIND OUT NEXT WEEK ON 50% OFF Z!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers,   
> I know it has been some time, and i would like to address some of the issues i have been having. I have finished high school now and i can freely right before Uni starts. i must confess that my lack of updates was due to the fact that i was attempting to succeed. I didn't do too well, but ultimately i am free of the shackles of it. I think now that Free! has rather run its course, with even Octopimp admitting to the fact that the series and its influence is rather dead, i think i will be stopping this series soon. Or at least officially halting production. I may update randomly here and there if i feel compelled to again. But ultimately, reaching 80 chapters of this story may be impossible for me to do. Even if i did, i would probably be done by 2030! So to allow for a more satisfying conclusion, i may very well just create a montage chapter to get to the finale that i have been planning for a while. I may very well do what Octopimp is doing and shift over to the hot new thing, Yuri!!! ON ICE. I wouldn't mind hearing you guys opinion on this and whether or not this is a good direction. i know many may be heartbroken, while many may not give two individual shits. So ultimately, it comes down to my time constraints and motivation. Any way, enjoy the chapter. Content Warning: This chapters sexcapade takes place in a religious area. I mean no offence by this, i just thought it would be amusing to see this transpire in the story. It was the only landmark i could think of in Rio. If this offends you in anyway, i apologise deeply for it. If you are offended by someone desecrating certain sacred spots, do not read this chapter.

January 5th 2015

I awoke, with the splitting headache of ingesting several bottles of what was potentially 20% alcohol. From what I could remember the fan was spinning with several times faster RPM than a jet plane, and the world was tilting at a 45-degree angle at all times. This alternated from 135 to 45 degrees at regular intervals. I had awoken in what was probably a drug den or something akin to that in the middle of Rio. The sounds of the bustling metropolis amplified by the sound of “Rap God” by Eminem rung in my ears as the hangover drifted into conscious thought. I swear to whatever deity you may hold faith in I saw various unicorns stab each other over the course of me falling out of my slumber from the couch Nagisa had placed me upon. The floor was an odd kind of plastic with bamboo print stapled onto the walls and floor. The window was partially open and Nagisa was standing by it without any clothes on. His tattoos glistened slightly, irritatingly so as he stretched. His massive Gallagher hung loosely beside the window sill and most certainly terrified a few select youths who ran past the building and looked upward, perhaps turning on certain ones as well.

 

“Nagisa, don’t you think a cheap Brazillian penthouse is a bit conspicuous for us?” I asked as the world slowly tiled back to normal.

 

“That’s the whole point bootylicious, they won’t suspect it and shit. Ain’t you the Sherlockian asshat here who should know this?”

 

“’Hide in plain sight’ doesn’t actually work, especially when it is you and I. You stick out like male genitals at a lesbian bar.” I say with a slight smile on my lips, knowing that I had just produced what most would label as ‘humor’.

 

“And you don’t? Come on baby, work with me here! I love this place. The drugs, the music, the overflowing gay overtones, Mardi Gras! Everything about this place screams out to me, begging me to fuck it up the butthole. Or perhaps that’s just you on Speaker phone.” Nagisa said as he smiled to the horizon.

 

“Nagisa, this trip has been rather frenzied, and I feel my reputation has been on the decline in certain circles because of it. I kind of want to know why we’re here to begin with.”

 

“To escape the heat for a bit. Also there is a place I wouldn’t mind taking you on. You’ll know it when you see it. First we should go and see some of the sights. Also now that you are awake, notice anything yet?” Nagisa turned around and smirked, his deep voice tickling the back of my throat.

 

“Don’t you mean take me to-“ I began to say before I looked down and noticed I was also naked, and had an erection. “Nagisa what in the-“

 

“I think I took a bad trip due to some stuff that I was given on the plane and I threw up in and around your tighty-whities and maybe also in your glasses case. I’m having them cleaned. But for now we have only one option ahead of us.”

 

I was frozen in terror for a moment, considering that Nagisa was going to make us both walk around a major city naked. Whether this idea did or did not excite the very fibres of my being was irrelevant. My reputation was at stake! At any rate, I was even more horrified to see the alternative that Nagisa presented to me. He pulled out 2 pairs of board shorts from the flimsy closet and terrible orange and purple Hawaiian shirts. Despite the fact that we were in Rio, Nagisa had elected for us to wear Hawaiin shirts. I can only imagine that he plans for us to wear Mardi Gras outfits in Honolulu.

 

“I…I… I am not wearing that monstrosity.”

 

“I’ve made you wear worse baby.”

 

“Yeah because you threw away my other clothes.” I said indignantly, reminiscing about a story I would prefer to not mention in this journal.

 

“Not what I meant, boytoy.” Nagisa said with a sly wink as he licked his lips lightly. I will admit that for research purposes I wore… certain kinds of leather for that man. The fact that the coitus was more enhance due to it… is… irrelevant.

 

“In any case, this is a completely different circumstance. I refuse upon principle and principle alone.”

 

“If you do I will do the thing with my tongue that you like.” Nagisa said as he twisted his tongue in his mouth. I recall shivering slightly at the thought.

 

I will admit that it was not one of my proudest moments when I succumbed to his sultry words of oral pleasure. He then proceeded to do so half-way through my attempt to adorn myself in the reprehensible outfit.

 

While only wearing board shorts and a purple button up shirt with various Hawaiian fruits printed upon it, I felt rather exposed. To say that it was slightly mortifying is nothing short of blasphemy. However, I found that Nagisa strutted around the block with reckless abandon. I am remise to mention that I found it… alluring. At any rate, we walked from one area of town to another, with Nagisa introducing me to his various friends that he had met in Japan that lived here. I write ‘friends’ with quotation due to the fact I would prefer to label them ‘drug fiends’. Nonetheless, they all seemed to have an amiable, nigh amorous relationship with my seme. I shook many of their hands reluctantly as they then proceeded to do various narcotics and opiates on the table beside them. The fact they all did so in broad daylight was startling, with one trying to make me do some alongside him. I never test the merchandise myself, that’s what drug mules are for. Nagisa proceeded to punch them in the face, took the drugs from their hands and then did them himself while they bled onto the table. I will not describe which ones brought out drugs, in case this journal becomes incriminating in some way.

 

We continued throughout the day, eating food from stalls and selling drugs in inconspicuous ways. Nagisa would occasionally become involved in various Rap-Battles and dance-offs across the city, while I stood there drinking various drinks. I had learnt from High School that Nagisa did not want me to drink Shirley Temples, so I had begun drinking Strawberry Daiquiri’s instead. This still qualified as a joke, involving various orifices and me bleeding from them at given times of the month. This resulted in Nagisa, in layman’s terms, ‘going Apeshit’ and killing them. Nobody seemed to care though. I found myself… enjoying the whole experience. After our previous conversation in California, I discovered that spending time with Nagisa had taken on a new atmosphere. I had always wondered why I had loved this man. Perhaps a part of me wanted to be dominated, perhaps another part wanted someone strong at my side. Ultimately, I found that the reason I was with Nagisa was that it was fun. I had never had as much fun as when I was with him. Even in high school, despite the fact we were on a godforsaken ‘swim team’ I still had fun. I was a confused young man, so full of despair and pessimism, as youth is. However, upon Nagisa’s arrival, I forgot about that for a moment, such that I could scold him. We now exist together in an odd harmony.

This would not have lasted long though. At least for today.

We arrived at the destination Nagisa had been planning for some time and I remember being absolutely gobsmacked upon arrival. Especially after I heard him say ‘We’re here’.

 

We stood in front of Christ the Redeemer.

 

“Nagisa… you can’t be serious.” I said incredulously.

 

“I’m not Sirius, I’m BIG PAPA N.G! And you are my fuckboy. Now drop trough, we fucking now baby.”

 

“How do you even know who that is?” I said quizzically.

 

“I’m a Gryffindor; of course I fucking know who that is! You want me to suck or do you wanna suck first? I’m trying to be more accommodating but your ass is still mine.” Nagisa said as he wiggled his hands at me, rape smile on his face.

 

“Nagisa, this is like a federal offence! The SDF could kill us for this! The Pope might kill us for this!” I said as I walked away from him, backing myself into the base of the statue.

 

“Come on, nothing has stopped us before!” He said with a shrug.

 

“Well it should have! Nagisa this… I have always supported you and you’re Location-Based-Sex-Positions but this is ridiculous. What is it now? The _Hail Mary?_ The _Holy Shaft?_ The _Parting of the Brown Sea?_ Nagisa, please!”

 

“Rei… this is the only thing we were gonna do in Rio. I will not force this on you because consent is important. But think about this.” Nagisa said as he began to unbutton his shirt. His chest glistened slightly and the mid-afternoon sun made him sparkle. “If you agree to do everything I tell you and do everything I say for tonight…” Nagisa said as he took off his shirt and licked his lips seductively at me.

“You. Can. Be. Top.”

 

I immediately became impressively erect.

…

…

…

I am not entirely proud of what happened next. But… I… agreed.

 

We performed…

Oh god…

We… did the…

_Pinned to the Cross_

I will admit that the power, the virility… the absolute **_sexuality_** I felt afterwards… it leaves me wanting more. This gives Nagisa more strategical advantage over me, but I do not care. I need that sensation more than anything does.

 

I came as the noonday sun set on Rio de Jainero, after we had coitus in secret behind Christ the Redeemer.

 

I hope to every deity possible that no one finds this journal and puts it on the internet.

*

Now, after that moral monstrosity, we made our way to wherever it was we were heading with haste, in case the drug cartels caught us or worse, the authorities did. As we got onto the rickety old plane, I heard something over the noise of the Jet planes engine.

 

“BIG PAPA N.G!!!!” shouted an accented voice from behind us. His voice was like butter and cocoa and various other chemical concoctions mixed. Not my kind of concoction though, that costs a lot more than cocoa. Nagisa turned to face him and his face was more shocked than that one time he looked at my internet history.

 

“FABIO?!?!” Nagisa shouted in response. He ran down the plane steps and we ended up on the tarmac where there was a lack of noise save for the sound of animals chirping and people having coitus in the alleys. Fabio stood at 6’7” feet tall, far taller than either I or Nagisa stood. He wore a linen shirt that was perpetually open at the correct width to perfectly show off his perfectly toned and tanned chest. His pants were satin, flowing slightly in the wind of Rio’s black-market airport. His boots were thigh high and had such a sharp heel one would mistake them for stilettos. His hair was long and flowing, blonde and sparkled slightly with sweat and what I only could guess was grease. His jaw was wide and sharp, his nose perfectly shaped. His eyes shone slightly. I admit he was rather attractive, even for a man like me. My…’Medical Equipment’ was ‘Prepared’ upon seeing him. But I sensed something in his words, something aimed at me.

 

“It is I, my Love!” Fabio said, Spanish Guitar seemingly playing as he spoke. “I will never forget the things you have done to me! The.. Horrible Ecstasy, the DREADFUL DESIRE! I need you back my Penguin of Seduction! I need you INSIDE OF ME more than MY HEART!”

 

“I feel like you don’t know what a heart actually does, boo.” Nagisa deadpanned in response. I smirked at him. Fabio turned to me in response with melodramatic murder in his eyes.

 

“AND YOUUUU!!!! YOU STEAL AWAY THE LOOOVE OF MY LIFE, A THIEF OF HEARTS!”

 

“I AM NOT SOME KIND OF PETTY CRIMINIAL!!!” I shouted, triggered by his mundane terminology with poetic licence.

 

“Baby, please. Don’t let him-“

 

“YOU USED TO CALL ME THAT!!! UNDER THAT CALIFORNIAN SUN WE WOULD MAKE LOVE ON THE BEACH AND YOU WOULD WHISPER THAT IN MY EARS!!!”

 

“I NEVER DID THAT?!?!?! YOU FELL ASLEEP WHILE I WAS BLOWING YOU WHILE YOU WATCHED A SHITTY SPANISH ROMANCE FILM!”

 

“IT MATTERS NOT! YOU ARE MINE NAGISA HAZUKI! AND I WILL PROVE IT TO YOU! I WILL WIN YOUR LOVE IN THE ONLY WAY I KNOW YOU WILL ACCEPT. RYUGAZAKI!!!!!”

 

“YES YOU WALKING STEREOTYPE?” I screamed in anguish. I was prepared for any kind of battle this man sent at me.

 

“I CHALLENEGE YOU TO A RAP BATTLE!!!!!” Fabio screeched as he striked a pose.

I admit I was not entirely prepared for that.

He pulled out a Beats ™ Pill from where I could only imagine was his rectal cavity and dropped a ‘beat’ of some kind. It seemed to be some mix of Spanish flamenco music and Dubstep.

 

“Prepare yourself, Rei Ryugazaki!

I’m about to drop bomb rhymes like Nagasaki!

I’m the fly-st MC out of Spain,

Now prepare for the Bull, cuz you’re in for Pain!

Nagisa is mine, so prepare yourself!

I’m going to put this elf on a shelf!

My love for Big Papa is Eternal!

It is so written in my Dream journal!

People ship me hard upon this Galleon!

No man can resist riding upon THIS Stallion!”

 

Fabio seemingly dropped an invisible mic. This was the 1st of the 3 verses, per rap battle ethics. I look incredulously at this ridiculous man, then back to Nagisa. His expression was something I had only ever seen in the bedroom. He was all hot and flustered over this absurd man who was probably hung like an equine animal, but regardless, Nagisa had been wooed by his terrible rap lyrics. If that was all that was needed to win my boyfriends love, I would need to do something else. I straightened my back and walked towards Fabio. I paused his pill. And pulled out my own I-phone.

 

I went to my Classic-Dubstep violin track and prepared my own rap. I stood tall, tightened my butt cheeks and pushed up my glasses, the light blazing across the lenses as I smirked at Fabio.

 

“Prepare to be dissected,

My rap career is resurrected.

You know it was a mistake to come against me,

Now prepare to behold to the powers that be!

I am the Rap Genuis of Japan!

This is all a part of my Master Plan!

I already have Tenure here!

You’re the manure I stepped in here!

Nagisa, don’t leave me for this Cretin!

When it comes to imbecilic raps, I can’t be beaten! “

 

Nagisa seemed substantially shocked, a hand to his mouth and a significant bulge in his pants. I turned off the music. This was downright humiliating. I had no idea why I was doing this. But when I saw Nagisa’s face, I lost all sense of reasoning.  I admittedly regretted the next action, promptly taking Nagisa’s gun from his anal cavity and fired 3 shots at Fabio into his leg and then one in his liver.

“NAGISA! RUN!” from what I could vaguely see, Nagisa sport a mighty fine cannon in the front of his pants. We jumped into the plane and I banged on the door of the rickety cabin and we began to travel down the runway. I personally feel I won that rap battle, but that was up to Nagisa to decide. The blush on his face spoke louder than a disgruntled Simon Cowell.

I had won. Take that you Hunk of Man Meat!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, if you got through all that. Congratulations! You are as fucked up as i am! i admit there was meant to be 2 more verses of Rap per individual battler, but i found myself lacking the motivation to maintain it. I know many of you may feel the loss of said rap, but if you all want, i may add a side chapter wherein i will include the full rap for each. I would also like it if you guys could decide who won? I know Rei may have said he won, but honestly, that was because he shot Fabio. Tell me which verse was better, or worse, and i will write out the full ones in general. I still need time and motivation but ultimately i feel like the rap bit was harder than most of the story combined. I suck at rapping, i am much better at Romance writing. But rhyming isn't all that hard. But a rap battle has certain conventions and rules and i find them difficult to maintain for each character. Anyway, thank you all so much for reading and i look forward to the next chapter i make for you guys! just don't expect it to come any time this year.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Guys! Thanks for reading!  
> I don't typically write this kind of stuff, but an associate of mine requested this work. I enjoyed writing this though. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it! i know this may not be as professionally as some smut writers, if you guys have any suggestions that would also be helpful. 
> 
> If anyone has any ideas for where the boys should go next, please write about it in the comments! I'm so happy about the support i'm getting from you guys! Thanks for the help! 
> 
> BYeeee!


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